Saying I Love You
by Doctor Addison Montgomery
Summary: Just three little words how hard could it be? Some of Sun Hill’s finest are about to find out. SP, KS and SZ and maybe others along the way. Please review! xXx.
1. Something Resembling Love

Saying I Love You  
Chapter One

Summary: Just three little words; how hard could it be? Some of Sun Hill's finest are about to find out. SP, KS and SZ and maybe others along the way.

The words died on his lips as he looked at her. Seconds earlier his eyes had been gently probing her green ones but now the ground seemed like a safer place to look. This was the moment, he could feel it and he knew he had to take this opportunity or he would regret it forever. Somehow the words just wouldn't come out. He had had it all planned out in his head and he had known exactly what he was going to say to her but the hours, days, weeks and even months of preparation were failing him now.

"Sam…" He looked up at her now, feeling the familiar shocks through his veins as their eyes met.

"Yes?" She sensed something was up with Phil but couldn't put her finger on it. Self conscious she tucked a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear. They were stood outside her front door, the early evening air was a little cool and she was glad that she had decided to wear a jacket over her black cocktail dress. They had been out to dinner, not a rare occurrence lately. Sam and Phil had been casually dating for the passed two months but it had showed no signs of being a serious relationship until now.

Phil was beginning to wish he hadn't said anything but for once he didn't just want to follow Sam to her apartment on the pretence of having coffee and then leave in the early hours of the morning. It just wasn't enough anymore and he knew he had to tell her how he felt but he was still scared of ruining what they already had.

"Shall we go inside?" He asked, bottling out at the last minute. Sam knew that wasn't what he had been about to saying but she let it slide anyway. She was too tired for playing games with him now. Sliding the key into the front door she stepped inside her house with Phil close behind her. As usual the kettle was left to boil alone as Sam and Phil became otherwise occupied, the little black dress falling away before they'd even reached the bedroom.

The relief had taken over two of the larger tables at the Canley Arms. A major criminal had been arrested and the team were celebrating their victory in style, and with a great deal of alcohol. Dale Smith watched with envy as he watched Cameron Tait slip an arm around Kerry Young's shoulder, his fingers tracing circles on the soft skin of his neck. Smithy felt his fist clench around his almost empty pint glass of beer, if he squeezed any harder the glass was likely to shatter in his grip. He so badly wanted to be Cameron right now and it was killing him. Unable to stand being near them any longer, Smithy stood up and headed for the bar.

"Vodka please." He told the barmaid, and then downed the liquid in one gulp. Smithy took a breath as the alcohol slipped down his throat. He was in the process of ordering a second shot when someone slipped onto the bar stool beside him. It was Kerry.

"What you doin' over 'ere?" He slurred, the alcohol taking effect on his speech.

"Couldn't have you drinking alone now could we?" Kerry said, ordering another glass of white wine. Smithy insisted on paying.

"You should go back to your boyfriend." He said the last work like it was something vulgar.

"Cameron?" Kerry asked.

Smithy nodded, then knocked back another shot.

"He's gone home. Early shift or something tomorrow." It sounded like a lame excuse to Smithy's ears.

"Oh." He replied. He was about to get the barmaid's attention again when Kerry stopped him; she placed a hand on his.

"I think you've had enough for one night, don't you?" It was a rhetorical question.

"I think you're right." Smithy mumbled, watching as Kerry finished the last of her wine. "Wanna share a cab?"

Kerry agreed and followed Smithy outside into the evening air. The taxi pulled up a few minutes later and they climbed into the back seat. Kerry gave her address to the driver as it was nearer and she would be getting dropped off first. Smithy and Kerry sat next to each other on the back seat. Before they reached Kerry's flat they were already locked at the lips, hands roaming. They both staggered out at Kerry's flat and somehow made it up to her bedroom. Just another drunken one nightstand? To Smithy it wasn't, it never was.

Suzie and Zain had well and truly pulled the short straw. Overnight surveillance was a killer and they had been assigned the job. They parked one space behind a street lamp so there was enough light for Zain to be able to read the sports pages of the Canley Times while Suzie worked her way through a racy romance novel. It had been quiet so far and it looked to be that way for the rest of the night, just their luck. Zain folded up the newspaper and threw it onto the back seat, Suzie followed suit and placed a bookmark in her novel. Zain found the flask of lukewarm coffee and poured some into a plastic cup for him and Suzie.

"Well…" He said, sipping the coffee. "This is fun."

Suzie raised her eyebrows at him. "I'm having the time of my life." She replied sarcastically.

"It could be worse though." Zain mused.

"Oh yeah?" Suzie asked, wondering what could be worse than being holed up in a car that smelled of stale cigarette smoke and fast food when she could be at home soaking in a hot bath with a glass of wine.

"You could be stuck here with Mickey instead of me." He laughed. Mickey wasn't known for his patience during obbos.

"That's very true." Suzie replied. "And you're company isn't that bad."

Zain smirked. "Neither is yours." He took a breath. "Maybe we should go for a drink sometime when we finally get out of this car."

For a moment Zain was convinced Suzie was going to say no, then her face broke out into a smile.

"Yeah, I think we should."


	2. Caught In The Act

**Saying I Love You  
Chapter Two**

**Sorry for taking so long to update but the site's been hating me and I've been really busy! Thank you to: Leanne, Babybel, Lornz, Emma, Emz, Laura, Bex, Gem, Gemz, Amy, Strizzy, Becca and Pippa for reviewing the first chapter!  
Please review, with any ideas etc. I might include some AndreaNeil and MiaMickey later on! Vikki xXx

* * *

**

Phil woke up the next morning and realised with surprise that he was still in Sam's bed. Although they had been sleeping together on a fairly regular basis he had never stayed all through the night before. He looked down at her sleeping form that was curled into his side. Sam slept peacefully, her head resting on his bare chest; her stomach rose and fell as she breathed steadily. Phil smiled in spite of himself, pushing some loose strands of hair away from her face. He knew he should probably go but something was holding him there and stopping him from leaving. Phil wanted to be the one Sam woke up with every morning but he still had no way of telling her how he really felt. To her it just seemed like this was another one of his affairs but it meant so much more to him than that. Sam stirred in her sleep beside him and Phil thought she was about to wake up but she didn't. Phil slipped out from under the pale lilac duvet and dressed. Before he left the room he leant over and pressed a kiss to Sam's cheek. It hurt him to leave her but he knew it was what he had to do.

Phil headed downstairs and out onto the street outside, letting the front door lock shut behind him. Upstairs, on the boundary between sleep and being awake Sam stirred again, hearing the door close. She sat up and pushed her hair back. The sheets were still warm suggesting that Phil had only just left. He'd stayed through the night, maybe that meant something? Sam thought wistfully to herself as she pulled back the covers and headed for the shower.

* * *

Kerry Young woke and rolled over, coming face to face with Smithy. She felt guilt surge through her as the events of the night before came back to her in a jumbled order. She remembered Cameron and felt her guilt intensify, she had to get out of her. Part of her didn't want to leave though; there was something between her and Smithy that she couldn't define. It was more than just attraction and desire; it went deeper than that. She wondered if Smithy felt too, she was almost convinced that he did but both of them had too much to lose.

She climbed out of the warm bed and headed out of the room towards the bathroom. She turned on the hot water and found her favourite shower gel and a bottle of shampoo. Kerry was stepping under the stream of water when the bathroom door opened. She looked round and watched Smithy take a step towards her. He looked at her, then at the shower and back at her again. Knowing she shouldn't but unable to ignore the increased speed of her heartbeat, Kerry nodded and Smithy followed her under the warm spray of the shower. Smithy took the shower gel from Kerry's hands and lathered some in his hands, rubbing it over Kerry's body and making her shiver despite the heat of the water. Kerry loved the feeling but hated herself for it, Cameron had no idea what was going on and she knew how much it would hurt him. Still, it didn't stop her from responding when Smithy pushed her back against the wall and began to kiss her lips. She was aware of nothing but Smithy and warm water raining down on them.

* * *

"I think I've lost the feeling in my legs." Zain moaned, pushing himself out of the car the next morning. They were back at Sun Hill and their surveillance was completed. It had been a complete waste of an evening as absolutely nothing had happened.

"Whoever volunteered us for that is dead when I find them." Suzie muttered through gritted teeth as she picked her empty flask and her book from the back seat.

Zain smiled in spite of the pain he was feeling. "I'll second that." He agreed.

"I don't know about you but I'm off home for a long hot bubble bath, a glass of wine and as much sleep as possible." Suzie said, shutting the car door and heading for her own car.

"Is that an invitation?" Zain asked, winking as she turned around. She mocked glared at him.

"You wish." She retorted, but it was actually her who was wishing this.

"I'm still holding you to that drink." He told her retreating back. She smiled to herself; she would look forward to that.

* * *

Phil went home to shower and changed into a black suit and pale blue shirt. He was thinking about Sam as he finished dressing and made himself a black coffee. He wondered if she had known how long he had stayed, the door had slammed behind him when he left but Sam was a heavy sleeper. Phil was still kicking himself for not being brave enough to tell Sam how he really felt. He was afraid of losing her if he told her how much he was in love with her. Sam seemed to think that they were just a fling and a bit of fun but to Phil she meant so much more. He drove to the office and parked next to Sam's car, was it a coincidence that the only space was next to her car. Phil Hunter didn't believe in coincidences.

Sam looked up and smiled as Phil entered the office. She tapped a finger on the face of her watch and smiled at him mischievously. It was a standing joke that Phil was never on time for work.

"Morning." She smiled, saving her document and turning to look at him.

"Morning Sam." He replied, taking a seat at his desk and draping his jacket over the back of his chair.

"How are you?" She asked; sounding friendly but her words had a hidden meaning. She wanted to know what had happened that morning.

"I'm good." Phil smiled. "And how are you?" He replied, equally as polite.

"Confused." Sam replied.

Phil tried to hide whatever expression was creeping onto his face.

"Oh, yeah?" He said casually.

"Hypothetically," Sam began. "If you were dating someone and they stayed the night but left in the morning without so much as goodbye what would you think?" She asked, her voice remained normal but she refused to look at him.

"Sam…" Phil began.

"Please answer the question Phil."

He sighed. "Okay, hypothetically I'd say that they viewed it as a one night stand but you know that doesn't apply to us. We have some kind of a relationship, right? We're friends, we go out to dinner, we drink together and yeah, we sleep together but you mean more to me than all of the one night stands I've ever had. And you know me, there have been quite a few, in the past." He stressed the last three words but not too loudly, he didn't want everyone to hear.

"Okay." Sam said, looking back at her computer so Phil didn't see the tears that had crept into her eyes.

* * *

"Dale…" It came out as a moan that only encouraged him further. "Dale…" She tried again, it came out a little firmer this time but he didn't stop. After their shower Smithy had lead her back to the bedroom where they had resumed from the night before. Smithy's breath tickled her neck and her skin responded to him. She had to stop this before she got in too deep and couldn't get out.

"Smithy!"

Dale looked at her, his surprise obvious.

"What's wrong babe?" He asked.

"Don't call me that." It came out much harsher than her first intention. "I mean, you can't call me that."

Smithy looked her hurt; it showed clearly in his green eyes. Kerry reached out and placed her hand on his chest.

"I'm sorry, but you know I'm with Cameron."

Smithy sighed. "I should go then." He said coldly, climbing out of bed and slipping on his boxer shorts.

"Heya Kerry! I'm home!" They heard a familiar voice shout. Kerry cursed under her breath and Smithy looked more than a little panicked. Cameron appeared in the bedroom doorway, his grin disappearing as he looked from a half naked Smithy to where Kerry was lying in bed.

**Hehehe...drama...review to find out what happens next:p xx**


	3. Unspoken Words

**Saying I Love You  
Chapter 3 Unspoken Words**

**Thanks very much to everyone who has reviewed so far! You rock:D  
Sorry, but this will be my last update for a little while because I have exams coming up and so much work still to do! I'll be back soon!  
Thanks again everyone. Please review:P xxx.  
P.S: Strong language this chapter...and yes, I'm off to get soap and water:P**

* * *

Later that day DCI Meadows assigned Sam and Phil to work on a case together. Phil led the way down to the car park where an unmarked CID Vauxhall was waiting. They had spoken since earlier that morning and the air between them seemed heavy with tension and unspoken words. Phil took the driver's seat and Sam climbed into the passenger's side.

"Are we okay?" Phil asked, easing the car out of the CID car park.

Sam took a while to answer and to tear her eyes away from the road they were speeding along.

"Why wouldn't we be?" Was her final response but Phil wasn't quite satisfied with it. One of the very few things he disliked about Sam was her habit of answering questions with questions rather than answers.

"I don't know…" Phil paused. "I mean, after this morning…"

Sam raised her eyebrows slightly. "Oh, that was nothing, I'm sorry." She paused too. "Blame the hormones."

It was at that moment that Phil nearly crashed the car. Good thing they were driving through the middle of the city otherwise it was more than likely that he would've wound the car around a tree. Sam noticed her slip of the tongue.

"Oh God, I didn't mean that!" She put her hand over her mouth and heard Phil let out a deep sigh of relief. She wasn't quite sure how to react to that.

* * *

"Get out of my fucking house!" Cameron said coldly, keeping a grip on his anger but his eyes were blazing. Smithy didn't dare to point out that it was actually Kerry's flat, he may be Cameron's sergeant but they weren't on duty now and he had never seen Cameron like this before. Then again he'd never been caught in bed with one of his girlfriend's before. Smithy grabbed his clothes together, heading out of the room to change, shooting Kerry a look of apology before he left.

Kerry couldn't bear to look at Cameron; she was too ashamed and the strong feeling of guilt washed over her. She wrapped the sheet around her body and made to get out of the bed. He had said nothing since his outburst at Smithy, the shock was over now and he just felt numb. How could Kerry do this to him? Okay, he understood that she and Smithy had history but the two of them had been going strong for a while now, hadn't they? Maybe Kerry had shied away from their serious relationship because she was scared and had found comfort in her ex? It was possible but Cameron doubted whether he could let Kerry back in again. He loved her but he didn't know if he could trust her anymore.

"Cam…" Kerry began but Cameron shook his head, cutting her off before she had even begun.

"Don't even talk to me Kerry, I don't want to look at you."

Kerry forced back her tears and tried to head for the bathroom retaining some of her dignity. She turned on the shower and let it run hot before stepping under and letting the water mix with her tears.

* * *

"Morning Zain!" Suzie said, cheerfully, placing a cup of coffee beside his desk.

"Morning Suzie." Zain replied, looking at the coffee gratefully. He had overslept that morning and was desperately in need of his caffeine fix. "Thanks," He said, taking a sip and smiling at Suzie.

"It's okay." She said, heading on her own desk, feeling his eyes on her as she walked away.

"Suzie!" Zain called after her, she stopped in her tracks and turned around. A smile was playing gently around her lips as she tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "How do you fancy going for that drink I owe you tonight?"

She smiled more broadly this time. "Okay, meet you at the Canley Arms at seven then?"

Zain nodded, smiling also. "I'll look forward to it."

Suzie turned and completed her journey to her desk. She was going to look forward to it too.

* * *

Phil noticed that Sam was quiet all the way to the house where they were meant to be doing an interview. He had hoped their talk and his explanation would have helped break the ice between them but it had actually seemed to make things worse.

"Sam…" Phil began, pulling the car into a space in the road and turning off the ignition. "You've been really quiet, are you sure you're okay."

Sam managed something near a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine thanks Phil. Why wouldn't I be?" She asked, reverting back to answering questions with questions.

"Good. I'm glad." Phil said. "Will you let me take you out after work?" He asked.

Sam shrugged. "Depends."

Phil tried not to look hurt. "Depends on what?"

"We should really get on with our work." Sam said, wishing she'd never spoken.

"Answer the question." He said firmly.

"I didn't mean anything by it." She said quietly, looking down and avoiding making eye contact.

"So you will come out with me tonight?" He hated playing games with her. Why couldn't it just be simple?

"Yes okay." Sam agreed, looking for the easy way out and hoping she had found it.

Phil finally smiled at her. "Great! C'mon let's get to work." He said, getting out of the car and heading towards the house with a renewed spring in his step.

* * *

Smithy was late for his shift that day and Inspector Gold didn't look impressed. Dale might be like the son she never had and a good friend but it didn't mean he could get away with neglecting his duties as sergeant.

"Dale!" Gina called out. He swore under his breath. Only his family and occasionally his girlfriends called him that. "Sergeant Smith?"

He forced a smile onto his face and turned to face Gina.

"What time of day do you call this?" She asked, smiling humourlessly.

"Please don't start Gina. I've had one hell of a day already." He said softly.

Gina's expression changed to one of concern.

"Come and find me after the afternoon briefing and we can talk about it."

Smithy smiled genuinely this time. "Thanks Gina."


	4. Bathwater

Saying I Love You  
Chapter Four : Bathwater

**Thanks to: S-Nixon, Strizzy, Sacha, Pippa, Gemz, Bex, Emma, Babybel and Lornz for reviewing the last chapter!  
As you can see the revision is going brilliantly lol! Got exams this week so I won't be able to update until the weekend.  
Please review! Vikki xxx.

* * *

**

Samantha Nixon sighed and saved the document on her computer. She had been staring at the blank screen for a good five minutes and decided it was time to call it a day. She had her date with Phil to prepare for as well. She wasn't particularly enthusiastic about it but she had said yes and wasn't the kind of person who went back on her word, even with people like Phil Hunter who had let her down in the past. She shut down the computer and began packing up her personal belongings. Across the room she noticed DC Suzie Sim doing the same, Sam glanced at her watch, it was almost five fifteen, which was early by Suzie's standards. Sam finished packing away her things and made for the exit, hoping to keep in time with Suzie.

"You off already then Suze?" Sam asked when she caught up with the young DC.

Suzie looked panicked for a moment. "Is that okay serge?"

Sam laughed to make Suzie relax. "Of course, I was just curious. Any plans for tonight?"

Suzie's cheeks deepened to a rosy pink. "Yes actually, I'm going out for a drink."

Sam smiled. "A hot date?" She asked.

Suzie blushed more furiously. "We'll have to wait and see." She managed to say. "Have you got any plans tonight Sam?" Suzie asked to turn the attention away from her.

"I'm going out as well." She smiled, anticipating Suzie's next question, or train of thought. "With a friend though." But she knew it was much more than that and much more complicated.

* * *

Gina had given Dale the rest of the afternoon off work; she knew he could deal with it. While she didn't condone what he had done, mixing work with pleasure and letting affect his relationships with his colleagues was wrong but he wasn't the only person who had failed to leave his personal life outside the station walls. Gina had done the same herself years before, back when she and Adam Okaru had been together.

Dale headed out of the station and headed to his car. He fancied a long drive along the motorway with the windows down and the radio blasting something loud. He couldn't believe he had been that stupid to sleep with Kerry again yet alone getting caught by Cameron. He was supposed to be their sergeant but how could he expect their respect when he behaved like this? But he loved Kerry and couldn't stop what he felt for her. She was with Cameron now though and he should have kept his distance from her. It was hard though, especially when there was so much alcohol and testosterone running through his bloodstream, like there had been last night.

Dale unlocked his car door and climbed in, revving the engine while he found a radio station that was playing music he liked. Then he pulled out of the car park and onto the long, straight main road. The music was loud, so loud that Dale was absorbed by it. So absorbed that he didn't see the oncoming lorry until it was too late, far too late.

* * *

Sam ran herself a long hot bath as soon as she got in from work, using her favourite lavender bath salt. She poured herself a large glass of red wine and slipped out of her work clothes and into the bath. She was just immersing herself in the bubbly hot water when the phone began to ring. Sam swore; she knew she could just let it go to answer phone but it could be something important like work or Abi. Sighing, the climbed out of the bathwater and wrapped herself in a bathrobe: this had better be important.

"Nixon." She answered, balancing the phone between her neck and shoulder as she tied up the robe.

"Hey Sam, it's Phil. Just checking that we're still on for tonight." Sam could have killed him.

"And you got me out of the bath for that?" She almost exploded.

Phil chuckled down the line, knowing he was hedging his bets. "Are you naked?"

Sam let out an exasperated sigh but soon found she was smiling. She let her voice become a tone huskier.

"Cone on over and you can see for yourself." Phil didn't need telling twice.

* * *

Suzie finished running the straightners through her long, silky dark hair and turned to the outfit she had picked out to wear tonight. She pulled on the backless black top, tight blue jeans and black stilettos – she wanted to make an effort for tonight. She sprayed on a seductive perfume and applied smoky eyeliner and black mascara. Suzie could feel butterflies in her stomach but she knew it was stupid; they were just going for a drink after all.

Zain was questioning his idea of offering to take Suzie out for a drink that night. God only knew where tonight might end up and although Zain didn't have a problem with that he did worry that whatever happen tonight my ruin their friendship forever. Still, he couldn't ignore the way he was feeling about Suzie and part of him just couldn't wait to see where tonight would lead them both.

* * *

His eyelids flickered and his eardrums were filled with the sound of sirens. He felt disorientated and struggled to move, his body screaming out in protest when he tried to.

"Hey, hey." A soothing female voice spoke to him and for a moment he thought it was Kerry but the vocal tone was wrong.

"What's happened?" He croaked.

"You were in an accident." The woman replied. "Can I ask you your name?"

"Dale…Dale Smith." He told her, still trying to process the information. The last thing he remembered was speeding down the motorway but after that nothing else came to mind.

"Okay Dale. We're going to take you to St Hughes. We're worried about the lack of movement in your lower body." The paramedic told him.

At the hospital Dale was taken straight to the ICU. A pretty brunette doctor with grey eyes sat beside his bed and was looking at a clipboard of notes.

"Hello Dale." She smiled, showing straight white teeth. "My name is Doctor Elle Pearce and I'll be looking after you while you're here in ICU." Elle explained tucking a strand of wavy brown hair behind her ear.

Despite his pain, Smithy was able to smile; maybe things weren't so bad after all.

* * *

The doorbell rang and Sam called out down the stairs before disappearing into the bathroom again. She was running a fresh tub of bathwater and had lit candles in the room. She could hear footsteps getting louder as they climbed the stairs and she took a deep breath. She pulled open the bathroom door again and let Phil into the room. Immediately, he sought out her mouth whilst encircling her waist with his hands. Sam smiled, kissing him back as she wrestled with the buttons on his shirt. Sensing that the moment was right, Phil's hands lowered until he was able to unknot the silk bathrobe. He let it fall to the floor before following her into the steamy bathwater.

**Reviews inspire me to revise! (well, sorta! ) :P**


	5. Leave Before The Lights Come On

**Saying I Love You  
Chapter 5 – Leave Before The Lights Come On**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! Sorry it took me forever to update! More coming soon and lots more SP next chapter!  
Please review! Luv Ya! Xx**

* * *

"You look great." Zain commented, taking in Suzie's appearance when they met outside the pub that evening.

She smiled and tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear.

"Thanks." She replied, letting Zain lead the way inside. Things were going well so far she just hoped the rest of the evening would continue on this good note.

They found a table in the far corner, which gave them some privacy, and Zain went to the bar to order in their first round of drinks. Suzie smiled as she watched Zain walking away; she had a good feeling about tonight and was really looking forward to spending the evening with him. A few minutes later Zain returned to their table with their drinks and they sipped in companionable silence. For once Suzie didn't want to talk about work or any of the cases they were currently working on, she wanted to know more about Zain as a person rather than a detective.

Hours and drinks later Suzie and Zain found that they shared a similar taste in music, films and books. Zain enjoyed watching Suzie open up and talk about things she felt passionate about aside from her job. It made him like her even more than he had before.

Suzie gazed quickly at her watch and couldn't believe the time; the evening had just flown by.

"Zain, I think we should call it in a night. We've got to be at work in the morning!"

Zain nodded, draining his drink before they left the pub together.

"I had a good time tonight." He smiled as they exited the pub.

"Me too." Suzie smiled back; they stood staring at each other. It was the first awkward moment of the evening.

Zain lowered his head so that he could kiss Suzie's lips. The kiss didn't last long and Suzie blushed furiously. She was relieved to see a taxi pulling up.

"'Night Zain." She said softly, turning towards the cab.

"'Night." He replied, watching her go.

* * *

In the early hours of the morning Phil slipped out of the bed where they had eventually ended up. He headed for the bathroom and smirked as he entered; he would never feel the same about this room again, that was for sure. Clearing up a bit for when Sam got up a few hours later, he then showered quickly and redressed. He wanted to stay but he knew he should go. He didn't know how pleased Sam would be if she woke up and found him still there. Phil longed for just one morning where he would wake up with her in his arms as if they were a proper couple. But they weren't a proper couple however much Phil wanted them to be. He slipped back into the bedroom and kissed Sam's forehead as she slept. He hated leaving her but he knew he had to go.

* * *

Kerry returned home to find Cameron on the sofa, staring at the TV but not really paying attention. She stepped nervously into the room and cleared her throat, Cameron turned around to face her and Kerry was pleased to see that he didn't look as angry as he did earlier. Although Kerry knew that he had every reason to hate her right now.

"Hi," She said quietly, heading for the armchair. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

"Hi." He replied, pressing the mute button and turning around to look at her.

Kerry felt nervous again and wasn't sure if she could hold it together if he shouted at her again.

"I think we need to talk."

Kerry nodded eagerly.

"Kerry…" He began but what he had been about to say slipped away from him.

"Cameron, I'm so sorry about earlier. It shouldn't have happened and shouldn't have had to see it. I love you so much and I don't want to lose you." She said, on the verge of tears.

Cameron moved to kneel in front of her chair and took her hands in his, squeezing them gently.

"I know. I love you too Kerry, I just hope we can work this out."

* * *

Cameron had to go to work that night, leaving Kerry home alone. Guiltily Kerry reached for her mobile phone and dialled the number for St Hughes hospital. She asked for Dale Smith. After she had finished the call she wasted no time in grabbing her coat and bag, before heading out.

* * *

"Twice in one day? Do the rest of your patients get the same attention?" Dale asked.

Elle smiled, her brown eyes shining.

"Only the very special ones." She replied. "I don't need to ask if you're feeling any better then?" She asked.

"I've felt worse." Dale admitted.

Elle moved to consult the chart at the end of his bed.

"We'll keep you on the same dosage of painkillers for the time being." She told him. "If you need something to help you sleep just call for one of the nurses."

"I can think of something." He replied, the look in his eyes made her blush.

Dale looked up and over her shoulder to see Kerry standing behind Elle, it was obvious that she had heard the whole exchange.

**Review s'il vous plait! Xx (excuse the poor French!) :P**


	6. Pain

**Saying I Love You  
Chapter 6: Pain**

**Sorry for the lack of updates of all my TB fics, my muse has pretty much abandoned me but I'll try and update as much as I can.  
Thanks to everyone who continues to stick with me and my stories. It means a lot.  
This chapter is for Samantha-Nixon!  
Please review! Xx**

Kerry turned on her heel and fled from the hospital, she had known it was a mistake to come here and now she had proof. Maybe Smithy didn't care about her like she thought he did? He hadn't been in contact since the episode with Cameron earlier but then he had been a little busy endangering his life since then. She walked quickly and briskly out of the hospital, when she reached her car she debated whether to go back home or not. She wasn't sure if she could face the whole night alone with her thoughts. It was probably better than the still awkward atmosphere between her and Cameron though.

On the way home she stopped at the convenience store and bought a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates. She needed something to get through the long, lonely night ahead of her.

* * *

Zain Nadir was already at work the next morning when Suzie Sim arrived. She let her eyes move over his body, taking in his sharp black pinstripe suit and dazzling bright white shirt. A small smile played over her lips as she realised that a guy like him wanted to take her out on a date. Last night hadn't gone exactly to plan but then Suzie had fantasised about the event so many time that there was no possible way it could have done. Suzie tore her eyes away from Zain and headed for her own desk.

Zain finished his telephone conversation and turned around on his swivel chair towards the direction of her desk.

"Morning." He smiled.

"Morning, Zain." She smiled back, taking a seat at her desk and booting up her computer.

Zain turned back to his own work, his emotions conflicting as he wondered whether or not he should ask Suzie out again. He wished he could read her as easily as some of the girls he dated but he knew he wouldn't change her for the world.

* * *

Sam Nixon woke up in a cold bed, her forehead pounded with the beginnings of a headache and she had barely moved yet. She crawled grudgingly out of bed and stumbled towards the shower. Not for the first time she wondered what it would be like to wake up with Phil Hunter and share her morning routine with him. However, she wasn't prepared to let him that deeply into her life. She knew that letting him into her bed was risk enough but letting him into her heart would just be foolish. She had fallen in love with the wrong man far too many times to let it happen again. It was time for her to let her head rule her heart and her encounters with Phil were as far as she would allow their involvement to go.

* * *

"Thanks for keeping me up to date, Neil." DCI Jack Meadows said to his DI as the man stood up to leave his office. "Could you send in DCs Sim and Nadir please?"

The DI nodded and left the room. A few moments later Suzie and Zain took the two seats opposite their DCI and exchanged a slightly worried glance though they had nothing to be guilty of.

"I've been thinking about this over the last few days." Jack began. "And I think that the two of you are the best for this job."

Zain and Suzie exchanged another look; the DCI had captured their interest already.

"Neil and I are close to catching a major drug dealer and we need the two of you to be a decoy. You've both worked very hard recently and we know you're capable, you also work well together." He added. "Would you be interested?"

Neither Zain nor Suzie needed to think twice about it before they nodded enthusiastically.

* * *

"Sam, can I have a word please?" Phil Hunter asked, standing before her desk and shifting his weight from foot to foot. He couldn't even bring himself to make eye contact with her.

"You can have more than one if you like." She replied, smiling up at him. As yet she hadn't noticed that anything was borrowing her sometime lover.

"In private." Phil added. Now Sam began to get suspicious.

"Okay," She said as Phil began to move away. She stood up and followed him out of the office to the nearest free interview room. "Should I ask?" She said, as Phil bolted the door and leaned against it.

Phil failed to meet her eyes again and Sam was beginning to get worried. He was never this unresponsive to her and she was beginning to feel hurt by it.

"Sam," He began, concentrating his full attention on his shoes. "I don't think I can do this anymore?"

"Do what?" Sam probed gently. She couldn't believe he was the one to be saying these words rather than her.

"I can't be with you like this anymore Sam, I just can't. I know this sounds rich coming from me but with you I need to have all or nothing, and I know it has to be nothing."

"Phil," Sam began, trying to reason with him but she couldn't find the words. She knew this would happen eventually but somehow she had always thought it would be her saying these words, not him.

* * *

As Kerry Young began her shift that morning, Cameron Tait was finishing his. As she headed for the female locker rooms she met Cameron coming out of the male ones.

"Hey," He greeted her, smiling a smile that almost reached her eyes but not quite.

"Hey babe." She replied, leaning up to peck his cheek. "I've got to get ready but I'll see you at home later."

"Okay," Cameron nodded. "I'll have dinner ready for when you come home."

"Thanks babe," Kerry replied. "I love you." She added but Cameron had already set off down the corridor.

* * *

Sam Nixon's day was going rapidly from bad to worse. Her headache had never really abated and it had only intensified after her confrontation with Phil earlier. She felt lonely now and almost vulnerable. The change in the dynamics of their relationship had also changed their friendship and Sam hoped that they had not sacrificed that bond for nothing. Now, the criminal that they had been chasing for months in order to get a conviction had got off on a technicality and the case had fallen apart in front of them. This meant that they had to go over every aspect of the case again. Sam had been almost chained to her desk all-day and longed to get out on the streets to do some serious detective work but she could not. She didn't even have a night with Phil to take her mind of it either. She was beginning to realise how much their affair had actually meant to her now that it was over.

"You look like hell, Sam." Phil said, as he walked back to his desk from the coffee machine.

"Would you like to wear that cup of coffee Phil? Because it could be arranged." She fired back, rubbing her temples and cursing herself for not refilling her supply of paracetamol tablets in her desk drawer.

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

The concern in his eyes was almost heartbreaking and Sam half wanted to scream that of course she wasn't okay.

"I'm fine." She replied, a little too quickly to be convincing.

"Okay…" Phil said, taking the hint and walking away from her. He wondered if she was hurting as much as he was, or if that was even possible.


	7. More Than Friends

**Saying I Love You  
Chapter 7: More Than Friends**

**A quicker update this time to thank you all for reviewing and sticking with this story!  
Hope you like this chapter and please review! Xx**

Just as she hoped that there was light at the end of the tunnel and she could go home from the day, DCI Jack Meadows handed another case off to Samantha Nixon. It was a case that she hadn't been involved with from beginning so she quickly flipped through the file Jack had given her. It seemed a straightforward enough case and the prime suspect was downstairs waiting for an interview. Jack had told Sam to take another detective with her to aid with the interview, preferably one who had been part of the case from the beginning. As fate would have it the only detective who wasn't busy and had been involved with the case when it had first come into the station was Phil Hunter.

"Typical." Sam muttered to herself as she headed towards Phil's desk.

He looked up in surprise when he saw the blonde approach and felt a pang of guilt. He couldn't believe he had let her go, at the time it had seemed like he was doing the right thing but now he wondered why he had sacrificed his only chance of being more than friends with Sam.

"Can I ask you a favour?" She began, feeling nervous as his eyes tentatively met with hers. There was still so much unresolved chemistry between them and it made her heartache knowing what she had had and what she had lost.

"Sure," Phil replied, his mind reeling with the possibilities of what she might want from him.

"It's this Freeman case, the DCI just handed it off to me but I wasn't involved from the beginning so I've only just skim read the notes. Now he wants me to interview the suspect and he asked me to find someone else to interview him with me. Zain and Terry worked the case originally and they're out on other cases, you're the only other person I can find who was involved first time round." Sam spouted, barely pausing for breath.

"I'll do it, Sam." He replied gently. "All you had to do was ask."

* * *

"Are you looking forward to this undercover op?" Zain asked Suzie as they left the building together. The DCI had let them go home to shower and change before they started work.

Suzie nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah definitely. I'm really pleased that the DCI chose us to work this." She admitted.

Zain smiled. "Me too. We make a good team." He said.

Suzie blushed a little. "Yeah," She agreed. "We do."

"I guess I'll see you later then." Zain said when they reached Suzie's car.

"See you later." Suzie replied. "Partner."

Zain watched Suzie leave as he unlocked his car, he had a good feeling about his undercover operation and really was glad that he and Suzie were working together on it.

* * *

"How are you feeling?" Elle asked as she did the rounds on Smithy's ward early that afternoon.

"Better now." Smithy replied, his green eyes meeting Elle's. He smiled as she saw her blush and look away. He knew he probably shouldn't be flirting with her, or enjoying it, but it made being here all the more bearable.

Elle moved to the end of his bed and flipped through his chart again to check the dosage of medication he was receiving. Her intelligent grey eyes moved quickly over the information before she looked up at Smithy again.

"That blonde girl, the one who came to visit you last night, is she your girlfriend?" Elle asked, trying to be casual.

Dale shook his head; it was painful to do in more ways that one.

"Just a friend; we work together." He told her.

Elle nodded, trying not to look like this pleased her.

"Feel better soon, Dale." She said. Slotting the chart back into the end of the bed and moving onto her next patient. Smithy couldn't have but feel his eyes irresistibly following her every movement.

* * *

The interview was going round in circles and Sam's headache was only getting worse. A knock on the door provided a welcome break for her and Phil.

"Interview suspended at 16:07." Sam said, looking at her watch and stopping the cassette recorder.

She and Phil stood up from behind the table and headed out into the corridor. They came face to face with a newbie PC who neither of them knew by name.

"Yes?" Sam asked, a little sharply.

"DS Nixon? It's about your car." The PC said nervously.

Sam tapped her foot impatiently. "Yes?" She repeated.

The PC swallowed nervously and Phil felt sorry for her.

"It was found burnt out at the side of the road, just outside of Canley." The PC explained.

Sam didn't respond immediately, it was Phil who spoke first.

"It was taken from the station car park?" He asked the PC incredulously.

Sam interrupted before the PC could speak. "I was late this morning." She looked pointedly at Phil. "So I parked a couple of streets away because the car park was full."

"Oh okay." Phil replied, feeling guilty.

"Thank you for telling me, PC…?" Sam began, trying to keep her composure in front of the newbie.

"Scott." The PC replied. "Jennifer Scott."

Sam let the PC go and leaned against the cool wall; everything was going from bad to worse for her today.

"Are you okay?" Phil asked, knowing it was a pointless question.

Sam sighed. "I'm just perfect." She replied sarcastically before heading back into the interview with Phil hot on her heels.

* * *

"Are we okay?" Kerry asked when she returned from her shift to find Cameron cooking in the kitchen.

He stopped stirring the contents of the saucepan and pecked her cheek.

"I think so." He said, not making eye contact. "It would take him a while to get over Kerry's affair but he did know that she loved him and he was holding onto that.

"I'm going to go and shower. I'll see you in a few minutes."

Cameron nodded as Kerry headed for the bathroom.

Under the hot spray of the shower Kerry rubbed lavender scented gel over her tired skin and washed her hair in the citrus shampoo that she knew Cameron loved. Once she had showered and dried herself off she dressed in tight black jeans and a low cut purple top.

"Dinner is ready!" Cameron called from the kitchen and Kerry came to meet him.

"You look good." He smiled appreciatively almost forgetting everything that had happened between them recently.

"Thanks." She said, leaning up to kiss him softly. "Dinner really smells great!"

They ate in silence, only occasionally talking about their shifts at work. Conversation was never this difficult between them. As they took their dirty plates out into the kitchen, Kerry decided on her next move.

"These can wait, can't they?" She asked, her voice a tone lower than usual as she leaned in close to Cameron. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her lips caressing his gently. She waited a heart stopping moment for him to kiss her back, as she felt his arms slide around her slender waist she slipped her tongue inside his mouth. She pushed him back against the kitchen cabinet, deepening the kiss at the same time. Without thinking straight, Cameron began to lead her towards the bedroom until it all came flooding back to him. He pulled away from her abruptly.

"I'm sorry Kerry, I can't do this. It's too much."


	8. No Way Back

**Saying I Love You  
Chapter 8: No Way Back**

**Thanks for all the reviews again! It means a lot! Here goes another update! Xx**

After a further hour of questioning which yielded nothing substantial enough for a conviction, Sam brought the interview with Michael Stewart to an end. She turned the tape recorder off and a member of the relief came to take Stewart to the holding cells where he would be kept until the morning. When Stewart and the uniform had gone, Sam sat back down at the table and placed her head in her hands. The interview room smelled of stale sweat and the oppressive odour of Stewart's cheap aftershave. She thought she was alone but Phil watched her silently from the doorway, wishing he could do something to make her bad day just a little bit better. He was also aware of the fact that he had seriously contributed to her bad mood.

"Sam?" He asked tentatively from the doorway, watching her look up and snap her head around to where he was standing. "Are you okay?"

"Stop asking me that!" She replied, forcefully slamming the palms of her hands down on the tabletop.

Phil looked shocked by her outburst but nevertheless took steps towards her.

"Let me take you home." He said gently. It wasn't an offer, it was a request.

Sam scoffed and rolled her eyes. She knew where that would lead despite what Phil had told her earlier.

"No, thank you." She said, storming past him and leaving Phil alone in the interview room.

* * *

Cameron took the spare duvet and some pillows out of the airing cupboard and made up a bed for himself on the sofa. There was no way that he could share a bed with Kerry tonight, it all still hurt far too much.

"Cameron?" She called into the darkness of their living room. Her voice had changed pitched from crying and tears still fell down her cheeks. "Please. We can work this out, can't we?"

"Not tonight, Kerry." He replied, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with exhaustion. "I need to get some sleep."

Both of them knew that they wouldn't get much sleeping done that night, both of them had so much to think about.

* * *

Zain Nadir met Suzie outside the station later that day, he waited for her as she parked her car and they headed up to CID together where DCI Meadows would be waiting to give them a thorough briefing before they began the undercover operation. They were both dressed in casual clothes, very unlike the smart suits that they wore on a day to day basis. Both of them were apprehensive about the task ahead of them but this was mixed with a sense of excitement too. It certainly made a change from paperwork.

DCI Meadows greeted Zain and Suzie as they entered CID and he led them to his office, motioning for the two detectives to sit down as he had earlier. He explained to them that the drug dealer, Jamie Johnson, had been using young children and teenagers to distribute his drugs and paying them very little for it. Sun Hill and Barton Street had been working together for months to bring him down and had finally convinced one of his gang, Richard Kelley, had been persuaded to help bring Johnson down in return for a shorter jail sentence. Zain and Suzie were being asked to aid him in catching Johnson for good. When the briefing with Jack was over, he let them go hoping that he had made the right decision in choosing these two detectives for this case.

* * *

"Back again?" Dale Smith asked. "You can't keep away, can you?" He said to the doctor as she entered his ward.

"How do you know I came here to see you?" She asked, flirting back.

Dale looked around the rest of the ward, mainly made up of elderly men and a man just out of his teens.

"Hmm, where would I get that idea from?" He grinned.

"How are you feeling?" Elle looked around before taking a seat on the edge of Smithy's bed.

"I'm okay." He replied. "Not that I don't enjoy being here, but when can I get back to work?"

Elle's grey eyes met with his. "I'm sorry Dale, but it won't be for a while yet. You did some serious damage when you crashed. It'll take time to heal."

Dale nodded, he had feared as much. The only upsides to this were that he wouldn't have to face Kerry and Cameron yet, and that it meant he could spend more time with Elle.

She reached out and squeezed his hand in a quick, fluid movement, not wanting to attract the attention of the other male patients. There was something special about Smithy that she couldn't quite lay her finger on.

"Is there anything I can get you?" She asked.

Smithy shook his head. "Some company would be good though, I'm not a big fan of hospitals at the best of times."

Elle laughed, looking at her watch. "My shift ends in an hour, how about I come back and visit you then?" She asked.

"That'd be good." Dale replied, feeling happier now that he had something to look forward to.

* * *

"Don't put me on hold again!" Sam hissed into her mobile phone. She was stood in the corridor outside the CID offices as it was the only place she could get a decent signal. She had been trying to get hold of the cab company for ten minutes now and they kept putting her on hold. How many people actually wanted taxis on a Thursday evening anyway? The main thing was that Sam was just too proud to go and ask Phil if she could still take him up on his offer of a lift.

Just at that moment he exited the CID office and found Sam out in the corridor.

"Sam, I'm serious, just let me drive you home. What's the worst that could happen?"

She sighed and hung up the phone. "Thanks, Phil." She said quietly.

They car journey back to Sam's place was silent, the only noise that broke through it was the sound of Phil's stomach rumbling.

"Sorry," He mumbled as they pulled up outside Sam's house.

"Do you want to come in?" She asked, not quite believing that she was actually saying these words. "I was planning to order a take out, they'll be plenty to share."

Despite his earlier promise to himself, Phil couldn't help but agree.

"Thanks Sam, that would be nice."

"As friends of course." She said quickly as they climbed out of the car.

Phil followed her up the path to her front door while Sam searched for her key in her handbag. Just as she was about to insert the key in the lock, the neighbours cat went hurtling across the patch of front lawn. It made Sam jump and her keys slipped through her fingers. She and Phil both bent down at the same time to rescue the keys. Their hands brushed as they both reached for them at the same time, their faces were just centimetres apart. Phil leant in and, against his better judgement, kissed Sam softly on the lips, giving her all the opportunities in the world to break away. She didn't. As they stumbled over the threshold all thoughts of take away were erased for their minds.

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